Well hello there. It’s been a little while! I hope you’ve had a lovely summer. As a chubby, pale goth, it’s been an absolute fucken nightmare for me, and I’m very glad to see Autumn arriving. This concludes the weather section of my blog.
I haven’t written for a while, not because I ran out of things to say, or couldn’t be arsed. No, it was because the unthinkable happened; I fell in love. With a real life human male.
Before you get carried away thinking that there’s a happy ending for me, I need to tell you not to be so naive, and that I am resuming the journey to the grave alone. Hello Spinsterhood, I have missed you.

This is not the place to tell you that particular story, save for me to mention he was amazing, I had the best summer. It was an amicable break up – unfortunately, it didn’t work out and it’s just one of those things. That doesn’t mean I’m any less heartbroken over it all though. It’s been a while since I’ve felt that particular type of sad and scared and alone. God it’s shit.
However, it got me to thinking about how I deal with break-ups, that feeling of deflation and failure and not being good enough, having to battle through it and come out the other side. I’m quite well practised in it now, so I thought I’d share my break up survival tips. Also, it’d do me good to take my own advice.

It’s not just a case of taking a bath and binge watching your favourite TV show though. Heartbreak is true pain, it’s debilitating, embarrassing, and will trigger the darkest of thoughts about what a shitbag unlovable human you are, no matter how sound your mental health is. You can’t call in sick with a breakup, you can’t put life on hold. You are expected to carry on, whether you’re coming out of a 3 month relationship or a 19 year marriage (not that I’m comparing the two – I just mean, it all hurts, right?). In the initial days, when it’s raw, when you wake up and for that first 3 seconds you forget anything is wrong, just putting one foot in front of the other feels inconceivable. And to be honest, why would you bother? What’s the point? Urgh, because getting fired/not taking the kids to school/flaking on your poorly nanna, they’re not options. So you carry on, in a weird daze that feels like someone else is controlling your body, and just hope you don’t cry at a really inconvenient time, such as at the till, or in a meeting, or during your team’s match. (Sidenote; I’ve done all of those, and one of them was at the till I was serving at).

Because of the embarrassment factor, it can be hard to admit to others that you’re suffering heartache. It can feel like you’re saying “I wasn’t good enough for them” or “We failed at working things out”. This feeling of shame and vulnerability, the anxiety of others judging you, or you comparing yourself to others, coupled with the overwhelming sadness of the breakup, is near enough one of the worst feelings in the world. The things to remember in this situation are; everyone has been through this at some point; you shouldn’t give a shit about others’ judgements because fuck them, that’s why; comparing yourself to other people or couples is a one way road to hating your entire life, don’t do it – you don’t know anyone’s behind-closed-doors-situation anyway; and you are brave and strong for telling someone else about how fragile and sad you are. And of course, that old cliche, time is a healer. Which is true, it’s just also very boring and forever taking.

While you’re waiting for time to pass and things to get better, there are loads of ways in which you can distract yourself, cheer yourself up, and give yourself a confidence boost. ‘Yourself’ is the key word here. Your friends and family will help, but you’re the one in charge of your recovery. You, need to search for the hero inside yourself.
So my next post will be a comprehensive guide to surviving a break up, and I promise it won’t be 5 months until I write it this time.
Stay well Singletons. Much love, ya gal Chip xoxoxox